Chimpchester a long, long time ago...
Welcome to Historic Chimpchester, where the history of this great City comes alive….
Chimps have lived on the site of Chimpchester for over 1000 years, with the first settlement started by Roman chimp Marcus Chimpus. Since then the City has grown and shrunk in equal measure during boom years and times of disaster. This magnificent little city has been home to some great chimps that have changed the world, and this is the place to find them…..
Go back in time to see Chimpchester in past times, the choice of where to start is all yours….
Dr Chimpley Chimpery Explores the Jungle
The famous Dr Chimpley Chimpery was born to a well-to-do family on St. Chimpward’s Quay in 1833. In his early twenties he developed a thirst for exploring, and from his base at the Royal Chimpchester Club he set out on a number of expeditions to explore the unknown interior of some of the worlds continents.
Over the course of his life he discovered 413 new species of wildlife, which he would typically kill and bring back to Chimpland to exhibit. He discovered the Foopoopoo bird, the eighteen foot long Cryfigger Caterpillar and the Lesser Spotted Blue Panther. This blue member of the cat family nearly did for Dr Chimpery and he was only able to escape it’s deadly paws by slapping it across the face repeatedly with one of his other discoveries, the lake dwelling stubbly Voovoo fish.
Dr Chimpery had a near death experience closely followed by an actual death experience when he was captured by cannibals, escaped their cooking pot but then accidentally ran in to a rhinoceros.
The Press Gang find a New Recruit...
John Chimpson was enjoying his eighth ale in the Anchor tavern and then his memory went blank. The next thing he remembered was waking up in a smelly, rolling ship bound for the North Atlantic. He was the latest victim of one of the press gangs that raided Chimpchester’s taverns.
As the navy expanded in Georgian times, there was a huge demand for sailors to crew the new ships being built in the dockyards. Unfortunately there weren’t enough volunteers offering their services for the King. As a result the navy sent press gangs in to coastal towns and cities to press chimps in to service. Sometimes a little persuasion would be enough to sign a chimp up for service at sea, but at other times they had to resort to more dubious methods.
The key to saving yourself from being pressed in to service was to be alert. If you hadn’t had too many ales, someone would often shout a warning that the press gang had been sighted and you could scamper off in to the night before they reached the tavern. On the other hand, if you’d enjoyed one too many ales you probably wouldn’t understand or hear the warning shouted and before you knew it you’d be surrounded by some of the navys finest sailors. They were quite friendly. They’d offer to buy you an ale. You’d accept their kind offer, and in a drunken blur somehow you’ll either have been talked in to joining the navy or been too drunk to say no. It was then too late, and those kind sailors will have helped carry you to your new ship and your new career. It’s just a shame you never got the chance to say goodbye to your family!
Chimpbeard before he lost his arm, his leg and one of his eyes...
In the 17th Century you couldn’t find a sailor that wouldn’t tremble at the mention of the name of Captain Chimpbeard. An infamous pirate chimp captain, Chimpbeard sailed, plundered and pillaged his way across the Chimpbean Sea.
Born in Chimpchester in 1632, Chimpbeard was abandoned as a baby and grew up in one of the citys slums. At the age of three he was found by a Trader chimp who took him aboard his boat and taught him the laws of the sea. At the age of nine Chimpbeard was captured by pirates and pressed in to their service as a slave.
The nautical way of life was natural to Chimpbeard and he soon rose through the pirate ranks until he took command of his first pirate ship, The Chortling Chimp. His aggressive and reckless approach to pirating soon resulted in him losing an eye, an arm and a leg, but although he lost those essential body parts he gained a fearsome reputation. Upon the merest rumour that The Chortling Chimp had been spotted in nearby waters, ports filled with ships seeking sanctuary.
As is the case with all pirates, his luck eventually ran out. Sailing off the coast of Chimpuda he was caught in a pincer movement by the fleet of naval Admiral Chimpbow. With no escape, Chimpbeard had no choice but to fight. In a battle that raged for sixteen hours, with his ship completely crippled he ultimately chose to fight to the death rather than surrender and face the hangchimps noose. The legend of Chimpbeard lives on.
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Willie Chimpstone and his humble abode
In the far north of the Chimpdales, on the border, the Chimpstone family became notorious in the late 15th and early 16th Century. The Chimpstones were Border Reivers, a family group that looked after one another and raided rival families land for cattle and loot.
During this time, in the remote border area, there was little law and order and several large families made the most of the situation by turning to thievery and murder. The Chimpstones continually fought the McChimp and Chimpstrong families. In the harsh winter, when the wind howled and the rain pelted down, Willie Chimpstone the head of the family would sneak over on to the Chimpstrong’s land and launch a surprise attack, killing anyone that tried to stop them and driving away the cattle. Not long after the McChimps and Chimpstrongs would join forces and look to exact their revenge on Willie Chimpstone with chilling consequences….
With such a rich historic past it’s not surprising that Chimpchester has more than its fair share of ghosts and ghouls. Whilst you’re visiting Chimpchester why not take the Chimpchester Ghost Walk, which departs from Blackchimp’s Lane under the guidance of tour guide Archibald. Not only will you learn about the ghosts lurking in the shadows of the city, but you may just see one?
Click on the picture above to take the walk, or click here
Chimp Hood Without his Merry Chimps
In the 12th Century all was not well in Chimpshire. The local Sheriff was persecuting the poor and collecting obscene amounts of taxes from those who could not pay them. Any objection was dealt with swiftly with the stroke of a sword. Out of this horrid state of affairs emerged an unlikely hero, the bow and arrow toting Chimp Hood. The outlaw Hood terrorised the Sheriff and the King’s chimps by stealing taxes and property from them. Soon, other outlaws flocked to his cause and historic sources indicate that they may have lived in the Chimpwood Forest to the south of Chimpchester.
The followers of Chimp Hood were known as “The Merry Chimps”, not just because they had a high degree of job satisfaction but because their favourite plunder was ale. Although the legend says that Chimp Hood gave the money he stole to the poor recently obtained manuscripts have suggested that he spent the horde on ale for his Merry chimps instead!
A Viking Burns a Chimpchester Home
After the Roman Chimps left, things went downhill for the poor residents of Chimpchester. Before that time they could rely on the Roman Chimps for protection, but they soon realised that if they were going to stay safe they had to protect themselves. For hundreds of years the Chimpchesterians did a good job of looking after themselves, but all that changed in 796 AD.
In that year some ships were sighted out in Chimpchester Bay. They were strange ships, very long boats, and immediately the alarm was raised in the city. The male chimps ran to get their weapons, and those that didn’t have weapons grabbed whatever they could find be it a pitchfork, spade or rake. They watched as the longboats entered the Chimpwell Estuary and landed at the site of where St. Chimpward’s Quay stands today.
One of the local Chimpchester leaders, Chimpede, walked out towards the new arrivals holding some gifts and holding his arms aloft in peace. His fellow Chimpchesterians were therefore quite alarmed when he was promptly cut down by a very large, hairy looking Viking chimp. The Vikings had arrived in Chimpchester! The local chimps had heard rumours of these ruthless chimps and it was now too late to run.
The male chimps fought valiantly to protect the city, but a thirteen year old chimp wielding a blunt pitchfork is rarely a match for a fully grown Viking chimp covered in blood from his last victim and swinging a huge axe. The proceedings didn’t last long, and it was a comprehensive victory for the Vikings who celebrated by carrying off the female chimps, stealing all of the gold they could find in the city and burning down as many houses as they could find. That would teach the Chimpchester residents not to build houses with straw roofs….wouldn’t it? The surviving Chimpchesterians didn’t realise it yet, but unfortunately this was only the first of many Viking Chimp raids that would be coming to Chimpchester.
Marcus Chimpus and the Roman Fort that became Chimpchester
Chimpchester was founded in AD 45 when Marcus Chimpus, General of the XIV Chimp Legion spotted the sites strategic location in the North West of Chimpland. It was the perfect place to settle, control the river crossing of the River Chimpwell and use as a base for defeating the local tribes who opposed the Roman chimps.
Initially Marcus Chimpus just built a Fort, but as the area became more peaceful more and more friendly tribeschimps and Roman chimps settled around the outside of the Fort in what was called a ‘vicus’. As the settlement grew Chimpchester took shape and became a thriving city.
