Chimpchester a long, long time ago...
Welcome to Historic Chimpchester, where the history of this great City comes alive….
Chimps have lived on the site of Chimpchester for over 1000 years, with the first settlement started by Roman chimp Marcus Chimpus. Since then the City has grown and shrunk in equal measure during boom years and times of disaster. This magnificent little city has been home to some great chimps that have changed the world, and this is the place to find them…..
Go back in time to see Chimpchester in past times, the choice of where to start is all yours….
Chimputugus is so angry at the arrogance of the Romans, occupying his lands and living a life of luxury, that he decided to launch a raid in to their territory to plunder their goods and livestock. Leading his war band down from the safety of the hills, and after liberally applying some fresh woad to his skin, he lay in wait near to the main road running from Chimpinium.
After several hours he saw an unguarded baggage train trundling along the brand new Roman road and decided that it would be rich pickings for his followers. Launching a sudden and frenzied attack, his band of warriors took no prisoners and quickly secured the carts that he believed would surely contain the luxurious food and riches that would enable him to return to his tribe as a hero.
Unfortunately upon examining the cargo all that he could find were bundle after bundle of underpants. Underpants. Chimputugus hates underpants. They’re a sign of oppression, a symbol of the forces of occupation. Admittedly he did try on a pair to see how they felt, but the strange looks from his warriors made him realise his folly. The only course of action available was to destroy them.
After burning the underpants he led his weary woad wearing warriors off in to the hills and cursed his bad luck. Next time the Romans will really feel the wrath of the Chimponians.
Chimpcillius is the main merchant in Roman Chimpchester. He travelled to the city to capitalise on the newly captured provinces emerging markets. Where there’s conquest, there’s money to be made.
He makes most of his money by supplying home comforts to the city’s garrison, shipped directly from Rome. Recently though they’ve been demanding to buy extra clothing, especially underpants, which is slightly strange. Chimpcillius hadn’t predicted that, and so didn’t hold much stock. He’s had to send for extra underpant supplies from Rome. To be honest, one of the reasons he hadn’t noticed was because he’s been too busy trying to rectify a huge mistake he made when ordering from one of his suppliers.
He tried to order fourteen carafes (for serving wine) but when negotiating with his supplier he accidentally ordered fourteen giraffes. He didn’t know what a giraffe was in all honesty, and thought it was a new more advanced type of carafe. When the giraffes arrived he had a bit of a predicament. He’s currently trying to keep them warm…and alive, which isn’t easy in this climate. Next, he has to work out what on earth he’s going to do with them. There doesn’t seem much use for them in these parts.
Legionary Chimpillo is suffering in the harsh Chimponian winter. He’s been on several patrols from the city, but he hasn’t even seen the enemy yet, let alone fought them. When he’s back in barracks it’s a full time job trying to keep warm. He wears two layers of every piece of clothing, including underpants.
In fact, he’s been running out of underpants so he’s written to his parents asking them to send some. Unbelievably, the local merchant doesn’t have any. Chimpillo can’t believe that he’s a member of the most advanced civilisation ever to have lived, a civilisation that has been able to ship exotic wares thousands of miles across the world, and yet they can’t supply their army with sufficient underpants. Alexander or Hannibal would never have put up with this.
Chimputugus hates Romans. He wants to cut off their heads. In fact, he hates them so much that he wants to cut off their heads and stick their heads on poles. Unfortunately there are a lot of Romans knocking about these days so he’d need a lot of poles.
Chimputugus is a Chimponian and a member of the Chimpantes tribe. He’s been raised to hate the Romans because they stole his family’s farmland and built a fort on his grandfather’s favourite fishing spot. He will not rest until he has removed every Roman from Chimponia, with or without their head.
Some nearby tribes have become allies of the Romans and freely trade their goods. Not the Chimpantes. They refuse to bow down and serve the Empire. The tribe may not be strong enough to take on the Romans just yet, but they have ways of hitting back at them……
After being taken from his tribe in the Eastern Empire as a boy, Chimpicus was trained in the finest Gladiator School in Chimpua. He’s been trained as a Murmillo, a heavily armoured Gladiator who uses a short Gladius stabbing sword and wears a helmet restricting his visibility. Chimpicus recently arrived in Chimpchester to fight in the newly built Amphitheatre. With no escape from his forced career he knows that he must fight for his life and build up his reputation so that one day it earns him his freedom.
Upon arriving in Chimpchester he was dismayed to discover that there was another newly arrived Gladiator who was also called Chimpicus. Having two Gladiators with the same name would be extremely confusing, so the pair had several intense arguments about who was the rightful Chimpicus and had to be split up from f ighting by the other gladiators.
This all became irrelevant when it came time for their first fight in the arena. Eight gladiators, including the two Chimpicuses, were suddenly faced with an array of exotic and devilishly dangerous animals. Whilst Chimpicus was busy side-stepping away from an angry bull he turned to see his rival Chimpicus being eaten by a lion. That solved that problem.
Fortunately one of the gladiators in the arena was a Retarius, armed with a trident and a net. He was an experienced hunter and soon dealt with the animals, turning his trident in to what could only be described as a lion and bull kebab. Chimpicus was relieved. Even if he hadn’t achieved glory on his debut, and even if the crowd were booing him at least he’d survived. Seems he owes that Retarius some wine……
Legionary Chimpillo has just arrived in Chimpchester as a new recruit to the Legions. He’s not happy. He hates this rotten province Chimponia. It’s almost always raining, and when it’s not raining it’s cloudy, very cold or windy. Sometimes it’s cold, cloudy, windy and raining all at the same time. Horrific. Everywhere is muddy, and the mud clings to your clothes and sandals.
It didn’t bode well when he fell off the boat as he arrived, falling head first in to the freezing sea, soaking all of his equipment. Then he got chased by an angry bull in a field in front of his new unit and slipped on a cow pat as he was running away.
Chimpillo wants action and adventure, but his friends who were sent to other more exciting parts of the Empire told him that the fighting is over here now and that the local tribes have been subdued. He’s no chance of achieving glory.It’s going to be boring. Perhaps he should have followed his parents advice and become a doctor instead after all.
We’re excited to tell you that Historic Chimpchester is changing. The format will now concentrate on the day to day lives of the city’s historic citizens, starting with the Romans who founded the first settlement here, along with the poor old Celts whose land they snatched in the process. To keep up with the gossip from Roman Chimpchester make sure you sign up to the Chimpchester Facebook page, or Twitter feed.
Remember, remember the 5th November....
In 1605 a plot was launched by three chimps to kill the King of Chimpland and impose a new monarch of their choosing. The three chimps were led by Guy Chimpfawkes who came up with an audacious plot to blow up the King whilst he attended a play in a Chimpchester theatre.
Several days before the plot the three chimps smuggled barrels of gunpowder in to the theatre and placed them in a storeroom directly under the Royal Box. When challenged by a guard they said that the barrels contained ale, which enabled them to build up a huge stockpile of gunpowder that would destroy the entire theatre and the King with it.
An hour before the theatre production on 5th November 1605, and with the King already on his way to the theatre, one of the King’s agents overheard one of the conspirators talking about the plot in a tavern. He hurried to the theatre, found the explosives and sounded the alarm. The plot had failed, the King was warned not to attend the theatre, and the hunt began for Chimpfawkes and his friends who fled for their lives.
Within days all three had been found, and were taken to Chimpchester Castle to be tortured about the plot. Despite the cruel and horrific tortures they endured, and to the frustration of the torturer none of the three disclosed any further details of who was involved or what else was planned. After they were tortured they were hung, drawn and quartered, and their heads put on spikes on Chimpchester Bridge to warn other would be conspirators against taking any action.
To celebrate the defeat of the plot chimps throughout Chimpland set off fireworks on 5th November each year.
Miners emerge from the mine on to the misty moor....
To the south of Chimpchester lies the famous Chimpshire Coal Seam, discovered in the early 19th Century. The discovery began what became known as the “Chimpshire Coal Rush” as wealthy entrepreneurs opened coal mines and thousands of chimps looking for work descended on the area. The coal was needed to power the mills and factories during the Industrial Revolution.
For nearly two centuries the mine was a key employer in some of the villages to the south of the city, and at times in those communities almost every man and every boy worked down the pit. This created not only an amazing community spirit, but it also had tragic consequences. The area suffered several mining disasters throughout its history, and in the 1903 Chimporia Mine Disaster outside the village of Chimpworth sixty miners lost their lives. Every family suffered a loss, but the village shared the pain together and grew stronger.
As the twentieth century wore on, the mines attracted competition from foreign countries and it soon became too expensive to mine coal in Chimpshire. The last mine closed in 1983, and is now a museum. Now it’s schoolchimps that put on hard hats and travel down the narrow mine shafts in the dark, learning how their relatives lived and worked many years ago. There’s still coal down there so who knows, maybe one day the mine will start it’s work again.
Private Chimprose carries a comrade to safety....
The trenches of the First World War were horrific, especially on the Western Front. It’s hard to believe that chimps lived in these squalid, horrific conditions day in day out, and if the conditions weren’t bad enough there was the threat of death at any moment. Some stories of heroism shine like rays of light from those dark days.
Private Samuel Chimprose was an ordinary chimp who joined the army at the age of 18 and went in to battle with the Royal Chimpchester Fusiliers. In the middle of the battle of Chimpendaele his platoon was advancing across no chimps land when it was caught in a hail of machine gun fire and a huge artillery barrage. Within seconds he saw the rest of the platoon owed down and he was thrown in to a shell hole by the force of an explosion. Dazed, he stumbled on to his hands and knees and poked his head above the shell hole. Almost immediately he heard the rat-a-tat-tat of a machine gun that spat bullets inches from his head. Ducking down he could hear the cries of his wounded comrades and wondered what to do. He seemed trapped.
Private Chimprose looked for his rifle so that he could fire back at the machine gun but couldn’t find it in the mud and debris. Before he realised what he was doing he found himself climbing out of the shell hole and running across no-chimps land towards one of his friends, William who was lying wounded and crying out for help. He threw himself down next to him, taking cover behind a mound of mud. After trying to say some reassuring words despite the gruesome wound he could see on William’s leg, he managed to pick him up and carry him from shell hole to shell hole, with a trail of bullets spraying up the mud in his wake. Once he had got William back to the comparative safety of his own trenches he found himself going back out to try and rescue some of his other comrades.
That day Sam Chimprose rescued another five soldiers from his platoon despite receiving three wounds in the process. In recognition of this extraordinary feat he won the Victoria Cross, the highest award for bravery a soldier could ever receive. Sam was a hero and became a celebrity back in Chimpchester when he returned home. He was proud of the medal but not half as proud of the fact that he’d saved some of his friends.
